Salsa

I’m sitting back at “home” listening to salsa music on pandora because I miss Nicaragua.  I’ve put off blogging for so long because I’ve been scared to put words to what the Lord has been doing or to try to see what it is that He did in me, in those kids. Why is forward motion scary sometimes?  Or maybe it is moving on that I’m afraid of.  I’ve been saying goodbyes my whole life, and leaving Nicaragua was no different.  I cried, the kids cried. I believe the Lord did so much more than I know or will ever know through me there and through the people in my life.  My thoughts are so jumbled right now… bear with me as i sort.  

As you know from reading this blog, the Lord spoke a lot through us being there to support the dreams of the youth.  We were able to talk to so many and call out the purpose that the Lord has placed in them and just be there to encourage and pray over them as they begin to walk in that purpose.  As all this was going on with telling the kids that they have purpose, the Lord was speaking sweetly to me that I too was included in that.  Through working with a ministry that is so involved in the community and daily lives of a people, I have seen that this is the type of missions I would love to be involved in.  I was raised as a missionary kid, and for this reason I adapt easily to many cultures, and I love being overseas more than in the US sometimes.  As I was preparing to leave Nica I was sad and afraid that missions might not be something I am actually called to. I wasn’t listening to what the Lord was speaking over my life.  So I took a walk with Him on the beach and told him all my fears and concerns of never coming back to a mission with so much freedom and relationships with the people, and how I really want to do missions, but I’m afraid if He has something different.  And when I got done, He said “I didn’t make you a mission baby for no reason.”  I freaked out and cried, cause that really spoke straight to my heart and all my fears of my purpose in Him were gone!  So that is probably the biggest thing that the Lord did in me, showed me how to move along side Him in a mission and really see lives transformed through relationships and love. And that that time was training for the rest of my life!

The thing that is so hard about leaving is that I got really attached to the youth there, and to the things going on in their lives.  There was a different love that the Lord poured into me for those kids, and I did fall in love, with them, and their families.  I learned a different way to love, it is so pure and so accepting!  Coming back here, I’ve been carrying a sadness.  Sad to leave, sad for the lives that are still hurting, sad to not be comforting them.  And this sadness has begun to touch my relationships here.  I haven’t been leaning on the Lord daily for His abundance of love as I did in Nica, and my relationships with my family haven’t been as full as I know they are meant to be.  I spent time giving the concerns I have for the youth to the Lord, and now I’m really trying to focus on building relationships of love here with my family. I know this is why I’ve come back early before the team, and I know that my experience and love that I learned so much about is going to overflow into my relationships with my family!  

The team has less than a week, so be praying for them and their time finishing up. If you want to see some pics go to harvestequippers.net and click on Nicaragua 2010.   Thank you all my readers..  This is my last real entry. 

~Brianna